Farewell My Friend!

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Once when I was a child
standing before my Grandmothers mirror
I am so ugly!
was the thought that came to my mind

Because I was so different from everybody else
suffering from the black dog of depression
never feeling fully accepted by anyone
my own father rejected me in favor of others

Oh I had a friend every now and then
mostly though alone I walked the path of life
learning how to live within the world of daydreams
in the effort to relieve the dark pain

Building a protective shell about me in self defense
of what was left of my emotionally crippled self
never really understanding myself or others
having made many mistakes that are now regrets

Never daring to share my inner feelings with another
lest I be laughed at or condemned
for no one has really understood who I am
nor is there even one who really wants too either

How I long for the love and respect of a woman so gentle
secure enough within herself to accept me for who and what I am
helping me to grow without trying to change me
into someone who I don’t want to chose to be

For twenty-eight years I have been married
yet not once having felt truly accepted therefore loved
having no friend or source from which to draw the warmth of life
how can I give to my wife what she herself can’t give to me?

Though there are those I used to write as pen pals
still it seems that my wife is right
that those who come to know me in person
want nothing to do with me including my own brothers

Perhaps the time has come at long last
after so much anger, hate and disappointment
no longer able to endure the pain of anothers rejection
to hide my inner self behind the walls of a protective shell

Hoping that one day within the distant future
someone somewhere will read my poems
the real person inside perhaps they will discover
for only after I am gone will I ever be accepted

So for now its only for the best
that I dwell alone within my creative shell
not fully living without hope yet not quite dead as yet
so my friend at last I bid thee forever farewell!

3 thoughts on “Farewell My Friend!

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