Almost Time*

All of my life has been lived in great emotional pain
with few moments of happiness in between
now at the approach of middle age
perhaps it is time to take by force my right to decide when enough is enough

Always walking alone no one wanting or caring enough to understand
betrayed by those who I once thought were my friends
now afraid no longer able or willing to trust
perhaps the time has arrived to just say goodbye

Tired of being rejected by those I like and admire
no longer seeking the emotional intimacy once desired
of fighting with my mate the mother of our child
for me our marriage has become an unbearable emotional hell

By what right does society demand that I continue to dwell
within such an intense hell denying me the right of free choice
since I wasn’t consulted or given the choice of being born
the right to abort my life by mine own hand I absolutely demand!

For it is up to me and nobody else to decide
that I have had quite enough when I just can’t take it anymore
perhaps the time has nearly arrived to at last lay down and close my eyes
being almost time to say goodnight and forever goodbye!

* This poem was written around twenty years ago and while I still feel this way in regards to the right of taking one’s life. I no longer want to take my life but if I did die tomorrow I can do so with no regrets because my heart is alive. It has taken me years of choosing to live instead of taking my own life not just once a day but many times a day to go on living. In March of 2017 I very nearly lost this battle and ever since that crisis my life has slowly been turning around for the better. 

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