For a long time I had given up on finding what I have been looking for all of my life. Most recently I gave Christianity another chance and unfortunately it ended rather badly.
In March of 2017:
– After years of being bullied at work…
– After my most recent experience with Christianity had ended badly…
– My problems at home…
– My difficulties with my mother and other members of my extended family on both my dad’s and mom’s sides of our families…
All came together when after experiencing the rage of my supervisor over a mistake I had made; caused me to collapse – unable to deal with it any more.
– Running scared at work and afraid of making a mistake that would cost me my job…
– Wondering if each day would be my last as I drove into work each morning…
– Of crying on the way home nearly every night after work…
– Of wanting to end my life by taking the entire bottle of sleeping pills hidden within my underwear drawer…
I went to someone at work whom I could trust and informed them I was going to have myself committed into the hospital the next day after I got off work. This individual enlisted the aid of two others who made sure that I received the help that I desperately needed.
As a result of spending that Thursday night through the following Sunday evening in the hospital with the stress I’d been enduring for what seemed like an eternity finely lifted off of my shoulders.
In spite of having to fend off a misdiagnosis deliberately made out of spite and the feminist misandry of several of the female members on the staff.
I rediscovered the sensitive, compassionate and empathetic sides of myself long before misplaced, locked away out of sight and feared forever gone. Burned away by the justified anger at those who had wounded me so badly then kicked me for good measure when I went down; seemingly for the last count.
When I returned to work six weeks later I was moved to another department on the other side of the plant. Where as a result of being respected and appreciated for who I am and what I do, as opposed to being denigrated and disrespected, I have been able to thrive.
I still attend a different church with my wife but I have given up on religion and Christianity permanently. And I have severely limited my toxic relationships with the extended members of my family.
Still unable to fully resolve my issues regarding my wife and our 36 yr and still counting marriage I’m resigned to taking it one day, one hour, one minute and one second at a time.
Having started this blog back in November it has been by far more successful than I ever thought possible – indeed beyond my wildest dreams.
Then recently I have met a handful of lovely flower blossoms (two in particular whose personalities are powered by compassion and empathy as reflected in their writings and comments) who have made it possible for me to set aside the anger, let it go and love again.
Over the years I have been told that I was good at writing poetry but I have known that I always compose my best poems when my heart is powered by the Love of a “Good Woman” – in this case two “Good Women”!
Instead of being powered by the black hole in my heart created by the internalized rage and emotional pain I have all too often suffered at the hands of others.
Thank you both Ellen and Nandita for healing the pain and sealing the black hole that was eating away at what was left of my heart from the inside out. For making it possible for me to love once again, reach out to others and to accept myself for who I am:
The Poet who I will always be!
For all my heart truly wanted was to be accepted, loved and admired for the man I try so hard to be as reflected in my writing.
Thank you for making my dream come true at last!
The road getting here was dark, stormy, lit up by lightning, pounded by thunder and incrediblity hard.
The destination well worth the wait along with the effort put forth to reach it.
I love you both.
Dabir Dalton aka Mister Poet
P. S. Not that I would want too by any means; but, I could die tomorrow (If destined) at peace with myself and my final destiny – having truly lived and been loved at last.